sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
