Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
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It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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