Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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