How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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