finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
