I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
