So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
