I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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