Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
