Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
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My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I fill condoms, not promises.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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