Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
