I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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