OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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