i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
As shirtless as possible
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
