Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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