News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The feeling are messing with the penis
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
