It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
