she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
