I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she smelled like a LAN party
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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