I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
