Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
