I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
