i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Need sex. Gaining weight.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
