Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
