dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
