Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
