The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
