Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
