Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
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Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
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The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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