Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My dick has a subreddit
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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