I want to stick my p in your. b.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
