Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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