Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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