I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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