i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
