is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
