please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
