I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
