Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
