PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
