I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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