SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
