I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
