just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
