I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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