Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
