She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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