the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You were trust falling into bushes
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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