Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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