Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
