On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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