Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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