I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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