it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
