I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
