Will you blow on my dice?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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