Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize