Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
