it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
