i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
