her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
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He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
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He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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