i don't plan on having that self control this summer
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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