She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
