I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
false alarm, still single
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
