Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
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Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead