Plan B is the new Plan A
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed