I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
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So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix