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• (214): View more from Texas

  I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (281): View more from Texas

  thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (714): View more from California

  Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.

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• (607): View more from New York

  She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals

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