I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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