The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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