While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
