His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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