Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
third nipple confirmed
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
