We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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