He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
