No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
