I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dicks are not precious.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
